Parents Split Up

You know, at my ripe old age I didn’t think about this. So my mom moved in with my brother because her and my dad are not getting along. They’re all on Maui. I realized today that I hadn’t spoken to my dad in about two weeks because I usually call my mom’s cell phone and he’d be right there. Now I have to make attempts to call to just “shoot the breeze” with two different parents, not a parental unit.

And when I come over, who do I stay with? My dad is all alone in his house…but there’s a reason he’s alone. He can be grouchy and overbearing, while my mom feeds me and lets me watch as much tv as I want (what am I? 12 years old?).

I’m not choosing sides. I am closest to my mom, but since mom was always next to dad it’s not like it was a big difference.

I’m talking in circles. Mostly because I don’t want to tackle the idea that either one of them will be alone. My mom will always be able to count with her children though and my dad would rather have his foot cut off than live in someone else’s house. I’m scared he will go back to Mexico to his house over there, saying he has nothing here. I’m afraid he’ll miss my niece’s baby, his great grand daughter or son. He will miss my graduation.

I don’t know how to help him without sacrificing my own life. I guess a good start would be to make sure I call him regularly, the way I do with mom.

Expensive Family

I’ve always been the poor one in the family. My parents and brothers and sisters would give me money as gifts for Christmas to help me pay for school and for the expenses of buying my nieces and nephews gifts.

The economy has made my entire family poor, being they all have tourist-depended jobs.  But my third job has brought a little extra money my way. First thing I did was pay off all my debts. And now I can, for the first time, put a tiny bit aside to save. But I have also been buying things, things for my family, and I’m wondering how okay that is.

I’m stuck in a dilemma. My third job is temporary, so I figured the best thing was to do with the extra money was to save it, especially with this economy. But I’ve been buying things like plane tickets for my mom to go see her Dr., paying for my sister’s kids to come visit her while she’s on Oahu for work and they’re going to school on Maui, and giving my other sister some money for my niece’s Quinceanera.

But I also want to save. I have to think about my own stability, and saving money would help me make sure I don’t end up in bad times later on. I’m also thinking about moving, which means I need first rent and deposit. I was even thinking about buying a new car. I’ve never had a new car, and I feel like I deserve one in this stage of my life. Hmm…just as I typed that last sentence, the one about me “deserving” a new car, made me laugh. My dad has never had a new car, and he has certainly deserved it. It’s clear now.

Obviously I have to help out my family with as much as I can. I’ll have some money subtracted from my paycheck to add to a savings account each paycheck, and the rest will be spent on them. The car can wait.

Sadness after Christmas

I’m back home, and while I love being home and being around Rela and Bryan and all, I can’t help but feel a little sad after I leave my family. This Christmas I got to spend a week with my family, and almost each day I got to see all of my 12 nieces and nephews and all of my brothers and sisters, not to mention parents.

This really has been the best Christmas ever, and last night I got to share the last day of opening gifts with Bryan and Rela. It was perfect.

But I still can’t help to wish that my family was closer. As a gift I hired a professional photographer this year to take our family portrait. I couldn’t have been more on target.

Entire family, minus 1 brother in like who had to work

If I had one wish…

I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished, and one of the perks of beginning to rise in the ranks of public health (is that even possible?) is that I get to travel across the US for meetings or conferences.  Because we grew up basically low-income in Hawaii, travelling outside the state was never much of an option.  Now as I get to travel I feel a sense of guilt of being able to see these places that my family hasn’t been able to.

The first time I went to NYC I thought of how much this place made me feel like I was in a Movie.  I’ve certainly seen enough movies based in that city to feel like everything was a part of a big movie set.  But I couldn’t help but to wonder what my sister would think of Spamalot, or what my dad would feel like on top of the Empire State Building.  I wanted my mom to tour San Francisco with me, and I wanted my brother to eat at that winery restaurant in Napa.  Oh, and I certainly wanted my grandpami abuelito to see the redwoods in Muir Woods. 

As my parents get older, my nieces and nephews become less interested in child-like things, I cannot shake that sense of guilt that I get to see things that they may never get to see.  I tell myself that what I see they’ll get to see, someday.  I bring souvenirs back, lots of pictures, and try to encourage them to go one day.  I’m not in a position to help them go with me, but perhaps as I fly more I can begin to amass a small number of free air tickets so I can take one or another here and there.  And they have been travelling more and more, to Vegas, to California, New Mexico, etc.  But I wish I could show them everything I’ve seen, and give them everything that’s ever been given to me. 

The one exception was my trip to Orlando earlier this year, when my mom decided to go with me.  I was staying at a posh hotel and knew that I would be sitting with remorse in my room if I didn’t have someone with me.  My mom put the plane ticket on her credit card and we had an unforgettable time with Shamu, Spongebob, and Mickey.  We’re not poor like we used to be anymore, but now with children, jobs, and “responsibilities”, my family just can’t pick up and travel.  I wish one day I were rich enough to take them to see what I’ve seen.  That’s my one wish.